cathy leaves too soon (m)

A friend died today.  Her name was Cathy.  I met her through Abby when we were in college.  I haven't written about Cathy because I wanted to respect her privacy.  Also, I was hoping against all odds that she would recover from the very aggressive form of leukemia that ravaged her.

Before I ever saw Cathy, I heard her.  She had a distinctive and contagious laugh.  The kind that made you turn around and smile before you even knew what was going on.  Her Chicago "twang" was endearing and folksy.  Upon meeting Cathy, you felt like you knew her your whole life.  She wore preppy sweaters and pearls but would scream out your name from across the campus "Hey, M....You and Ab want to go out tonight?"

Cathy was extremely bright.  She became a well-known publisher in the business world but you'd never know that if you had met her.  She'd rather talk about her husband and her kids.  One of the tributes to her today was from her college roommate who said that, at twenty years old, they used to talk about their futures and all Cathy wanted was "a nice husband and two kids....a little girl and a little boy."  In that regard, she got her wish. 

The last time I saw Cathy was at a weekend retreat with her and Abby at Canyon Ranch.  We went for our 50th birthdays (I had a gift certificate from my husband which I hadn't used in 4 years).  Cathy looked the same to me--trim, petite, blonde.  I, however, had gained a truckload of weight.  I almost didn't go because I was so ashamed of how I looked.  Now that seems so shallow that I almost missed my last opportunity to connect with a beloved friend because of how I looked.

While Cathy and Abby went out for a morning run, I was being evaluated by a nutritionist.  While they did an exercise class, I was being evaluated via "headspace" analysis (where they put a helmet over your head to collect the air you breathe out so they can evaluate your gasses to see where the "imbalance" is...I had to stop the experiment as I'm claustrophobic). 

Even though I couldn't keep up with Abby and Cathy, we did share meals together and played hookey one night and took off for Tanglewood and dinner at a nice restaurant.  We talked about our kids, our jobs and our husbands.  It was a memorable night as we reunited as woman but remembered the girls we once were.

When we left, we gave each other hugs and kisses and promised to keep in touch.  Cathy sent cards every Christmas and I did the same.

When my mother died in December, Abby called Cathy to let her know.  That's when we found out Cathy had been diagnosed with leukemia.  We never believed then that it would end so soon for Cathy.

How does something like this happen to someone so young, so fit and so vivacious?

I don't have the answer and I suspect no one does.

What I'd like to believe is that our spirits live on in some faraway place.  Something like that line from The Little Prince:
 
     "In one of the stars I shall be living.  In one of them I shall be laughing.  And so it will be as if all the  stars were laughing , when you look at the sky at night."


Tonight, I expect, the sky will be alot brighter.