this is what happens when I go out (m)

I haven't written because I have nothing to say that I think anyone would want to hear.  I don't want to depress you.  I am in a funk and I have periodic bouts of crying about my mother.  There's a hole in my life that not even food can fill.

Oh, don't get alarmed.  I do go about my days, doing projects, daily chores, etc. but I must admit that I am simply going through the motions.  I don't really even go out anymore, preferring instead to flop from my bed to the couch.

On Sunday, my sister-in-law was hosting a concert at her Church.  It was a music festival that featured all sorts of music including pop songs and classical songs (i.e. Andrew Lloyd Webber, Leonard Bernstein).  I agreed to go only to support my sister-in-law, Betsy, who is the Music Director for this program.  Aunt X wanted to come as did one of the tenants in my mother's house (my snowstorm partner in crime).

I spent Sunday morning cooking for my husband, Harrison and Aunt Y.  I made two large meatloaves, mashed potatoes, brown gravy, green beans almondine, peas (all stuff the aunts can eat with or without teeth), hot rolls, mixed salad and homemade chocolate chip cookies.    I had two yogurts as I am prepping for a colonscopy (separate subject). I packed up the car and delivered the food to Aunt Y, picked up Aunt X, then we got the tenant.

It's peaceful when you can just sit in a church and observe versus participate.  You get to look at beautiful stained glass windows.  You don't have to stand or, worse, kneel.  You just sit.  And so I did, listening to the wide variety of music, all done so well.  I loved the trumpets and the soprano who sang selections from West Side Story.  The kids did rock and roll from the 50s and the young adults sang beautifully with their guitars.  My sister-in-law sang a solo and dedicated it to my brother Phil to whom she will have been married 30 years.  She last sang that song to him at their wedding reception.  I was holding up well until that point.  I thought back to that day in 1981, full of promise, and had a flashback to those family members who were there celebrating their big day then but are no longer with us.

As that was the last song, my sister-in-law then announced to the entire throng that the day was dedicated to my mother whose 86th birthday was that same day!  Then, my sister-in-law asked ME to stand up and, all of a sudden, someone places a beautiful bouquet of flowers in Betsy's hands and she WALKS OVER TO PRESENT THEM TO ME.  If I weren't trapped between two old ladies I would have fled.  I burst into tears and, to make matters worse, the little Vietnamese priest suddenly materialized out of nowhere and came running over with his digital camera to commemorate my "moment."

I guess I was crying so hard that I made the Haitian family in the next pew cry.

Afterwards, there was a reception next door at the school.  I had a sugar cookie and then took my two passengers home.

I think I'll stay in a few more days before I venture out again.