dear mariah carey (m)

Dear Ms. Carey,

First of all, let me extend my congratulations to you on the birth of your beautiful twin babies!  A boy and a girl, Moroccan and Monroe.  How clever to name Moroccan after the decor in your apartment.  That's something I wished I had considered.   Instead of Sam and Harrison, I could have two sons named Colonial and Chintz.

Second, I want to say that I was flipping through the channels one evening and saw you promoting your "pave diamond-like" earrings.  They looked beautiful.  I was on the phone with my niece at the time and we both were watching you and she convinced me to get a pair in the silver tone to wear for the big anniversary party I am hosting at my house this evening.

Well, the earrings arrived two days ago and I must say I am disappointed.  They look like the "bling" I bought for Harrison when he masqueraded as a pimp one Halloween.

Seriously, Mariah, with all your money,  don't you think you could spring for something a little classier?  They feel as cheap as they look.

I want you to know that I mailed them back to you for a full refund.  You should be getting them at HSN by Tuesday.

Meanwhile, I have to completely change the outfit I planned around the earrings to something else.  This is a big deal as I don't have many outfits to choose from since I am in between sizes (given my weight loss....you should try Weight Watchers).

Sincerely,

M