remembering my mother (m)

December 12th.  My mother has been gone one year.  Still, she's the first thing on my mind when I wake up and the last thing on my mind when I go to sleep at night.  She was a tour de force in my life.

I am touched by how many of my friends remember the date.  How will you commemorate the day?, they ask.  I have no plans.

My friends surround me with love.  V offers to take me to lunch.  Susan checks in frequently via phone.  Lyn offers to come up by bus from NYC.  My neighbor Joan emails me about the time she was driving past us on our street and we stopped and rolled down our car windows to say hello and, after a few minutes of pleasantries, heard my mother bellow from the back seat of the car, "Okay, stop talking.  Let's get this show on the road...we've got things to do!"

Some friends suggest I get a massage or buy myself something as a treat. 

I wake up at 6 and have the whole day ahead of me. What's the best way to honor my mother today?

I put my favorite picture of her on the kitchen counter and light a Yarzheit candle.  The kids bought her a sign when we were on vacation in Martha's Vineyard which says:  A Day with Nana....Priceless.  I put that next to the picture.

7 a.m.  Now what?

What would my mother do?

I remember the day her sister died unexpectedly.  We all raced to my mother's house to console her and comfort each other.  She was shocked and deeply saddened.  Then, she had us all go outside and rake the yard.  She was right in there with us, raking and stuffing leaves into large bags.

I clean my messy office.  It takes 5 full hours. I haul three large bags of accumulated papers out to the trash.  I survey the now-beautiful space.  She would be pleased.

The bonus: I never stop to eat.