It’s time for my dead hair to get its bi-annual keratin treatment. Corinne picks me up at 8:15. It's pouring out. We are going to Long Island to my sister’s hairdresser's house. Maria works from home on Wednesdays. Exactly a year ago we made the same trip and hit the same traffic. What should take 45 minutes takes 90.
Maria has an excellent memory. She greets me with, “You are so skinny. I hope you are not planning to lose any more weight.” I assure her that I’m not. This leads to a conversation about weight and fitness and how some fat just won’t disappear, regardless of how little we eat or how much we exercise. Maria tells us that many Asian women, like herself, will consider liposuction. “It’s really the only way to get rid of fat around the waist.” She then says, “But you have a good shape. You have a waist. Look at me.” She lifts her shirt to prove it. “I know women who have a rib removed in order to get an hourglass shape.” If I had the money, I would definitely consider plastic surgery on my face. But have a rib removed? Never.
We stay a few hours. Maria washes my hair. Does a quick blow-dry. Applies some formaldehyde-free stuff that brings tears to my eyes (literally). And finally, painstakingly, Maria straightens my hair with a flat iron. I look in the mirror and see an aging Woodstock remnant, circa 1969. My hair is stick straight and flat. A very bad look for me.
Maria reviews the hair-rules for the next 3 days:
- Do not get it wet.
- Do not wash it.
- Do not pull it back.
- Do not put it in a ponytail.
- Do not use hair clips or elastics or headbands.
- Do not leave the house until Saturday when I can wash it.
- Avoid people at all costs.
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