a conversation with my aunts (m)

I am in Pennsylvania with Harrison. Before I left home, I promised the aunties that I would call them everyday to check on them. Aunt Y is recovering from a bad fall. Aunt X, the caretaker, is wiped out and has a bad cold. They need a little TLC. My cousins and I make them several meals each week and alternate  turns taking them for rides.

I dread the phone calls because Aunt Y has some hearing loss, but there is an even bigger issue. She doesn't know how to work the phones. My cousins and I have bought them all sorts of phones...top-of-the-line cordless, those corded phones with the big-ass numbers. Phones with amplified hearing, phones with speakers. Nothing has helped.

Here's how the conversation today goes:

Me: Hello, Aunt X, how are you feeling?
Aunt X: Oh, okay. I'm still coughing like crazy but the doctor doesn't think I have ammonia.
Me: Well, that's good. How is Aunt Y?
Aunt X: Wait a minute, I'll let her tell you herself. Here...Y...pick up the phone, it's M.
Aunt Y: Hello? Hello? Hello?
Me:Hello, Aunt Y.
Aunt Y: Hello? HELLO? (to Aunt X) I can't hear her.
Me: AUNT Y....I CAN HEAR YOU FINE. CAN YOU HEAR ME NOW?
Aunt Y: (again, to Aunt X) I think we got disconnected.
Aunt X picks up the extension: Hello, M?
Me: AUNT Y--CAN YOU HEAR ME NOW? (I know the other hotel guests in the next room can hear me).
Aunt Y: (again to Aunt X) X, pick up the phone and see if you can hear her.
Aunt X: Y, for Cripes Sakes, I'm on the phone!
Aunt Y: (to Aunt X since this is the only 2-way conversation that is being had at this point).  Then where is M????
Me: I'M HERE!!!!!!!!!
AUNT Y: WELL, I CAN'T HEAR YOU. THANK YOU FOR CALLING. TALK TO YOU WHEN YOU GET HOME. LOVE YOU.
Me: Love you, too.

Seriously, it's easier just to cook and bring the food to their home.