group grope (m)

A big part of the success of any diet is Control with a capital C. Controlling what you eat, how much you eat, when you eat.

Being away from home is not difficult. In fact, that part is easier. There is no food in my hotel room except water and diet Snapple and cut up veggies. There are no meals to cook for other people. I can eat the hard boiled egg and cantaloupe for breakfast or the oatmeal and then walk away.

Sounds good, right?

Except for one thing: group dinners with the other families.

The other night, after Harrison competed (he did well given his injury, made finals), I was ready for dinner. Harrison wants to stay to see some of his friends compete. "Okay, just a few," I say. We watch the Junior Ladies event.

Then the Junior Pairs.

Then the Senior Pairs.

Now it's 9 p.m. and I'm ready to faint. Harrison says some of the kids and their parents want to join us for dinner. Where should we go?

Now I'm a party planner, catering to everyone's tastes. Who doesn't want to go to Bertucci's, who doesn't like Japanese, who just ate at the steak house, etc. You know the drill.

We settle on Carabba's even though I had what I think was a gall bladder attack there last January when we were in Greensboro, North Caroline at Nationals. My right side started to hurt just thinking about it.

Get to Carabba's at 9:45 p.m. Do they have a table for 12? The hostess looks at me as if I'm setting her up for an episode of Punk'd.

We sit down, peruse the menu and someone's cell phone rings. Some of the senior skaters just finished a critique session with the judges....they will join us right afterwards. WAIT FOR US they say.

We add more chairs to the table.

The bread comes. It's piping hot. I'm trying to avoid it, but really, it's like putting a piece of steak in front of a lion at this point. I inhale a piece.

The menu comes and everything looks good to me. I order the thing I'm least interested in...grilled chicken with steamed broccoli, but I'm so hungry I'm looking forward to it.

A cell phone goes off somewhere at the end of the table..."Oh, you'll be here in ten minutes? Yes, we'll wait for you."

No, we won't I say. We will bring two more chairs to the table, but we're ordering and, when our food arrives, we're eating it right then and there.

As you can tell, I was cranky. It's 10:30 at night and we haven't eaten since noon. Where do these people think they are? Spain? Dinners there start at 9 p.m. Not in Pennsylvania.

If I didn't have to watch my language in this blog, I would have titled this entry "Cluster F--k".

14 people eating a meal at 11 p.m.

At that point, even I almost lost interest in eating.