Monday, November 22, 2010

brunch (m)

My mother may tell you that I've never met a meal I didn't like, but that's not true.  I don't like brunch.  In fact, I hate it. 

Here's why. 

1. It's too confusing.  So many choices, it's overwhelming to me.  Waffles! Make your own omelette!  Wait a minute, eggplant parmesan!  Over there is chicken Marsala!  Drives me crazy.  I like simple.
2. You can't have a conversation with people at your table.  They are up and down like toilet seats.  One minute you're talking to someone and the next minute, they are getting up mid-conversation saying "I'm ready for my waffle now, want to come up with me?"
4. I don't want to get up for my meal.  I want to sit and be served.  I stand up all week and serve people at home.  This is my time to sit.
5. Quality.  I've never had a brunch where I think the quality is as good as ordering one thing done well.  Served to you.  Piping hot.  Brunch food looks picked over and is lukewarm.
6. Germs.  I once found a serving spoon lying down in the eggs.  I also saw someone cough into the hash brown potatoes.  I'm sure that stuff goes on in the kitchens, but I don't see it. 
7. Food choice.  Breakfast is not my favorite food. I don't crave eggs.  I'm indifferent to waffles (too much air in them).  My favorite food is lunch.  Sandwiches.  I'd be happy at a Deli where you could sample small sections of different sandwiches.  I loved the little finger sandwiches after my in-laws' funerals. 

Yesterday, I went to brunch with two women whom I love and with whom I used to work.  D was my assistant for over 20 years.  She was the one who kept my pregancy with Sam secret for 5 months and had a receptacle ready every time I had to vomit and couldn't make it to the ladies' room.

J came into my life at the tail end.  Just 3 months before I left my job of 26 years, my other secretary (the princess who spent more time telling me what she didn't do than doing the few things she did do and who wore her full-length mink coat to work in the winter)  took the severance package and left.  D recommended her friend J.  No one wanted J because she was older and a tad quirky (she is heavy and gets hot flashes and needs a fan blowing on her face constantly). 

J was as good as advertised and we became very close in 3 short months.

Brunch was their pick.  $20 per person.  All you can eat. 

I had 4 cups of coffee, pineapple, canteloupe (I waited for the guy to come out of the kitchen with the fresh fruit and then ambushed him with a clean fork before anyone could let the tongs fall onto the fruit).  No egg whites so I had a full egg omelette with every vegetable.  Sliced roast beef, half a bagel with cream cheese.  Two sausage links.

Oh, and did I mention the vanilla ice cream sundae with chocolate sauce, whipped cream and chopped walnuts? 

The company was lovely.  It was so good to see them.  We caught up on each others' lives and laughed a lot.  We choreographed when we would get up and down to go through the line.  We each took turns minding the purses while the other two went up to get food.

When we parted company, they said we will do it again soon.  I looked at my watch--2 p.m. and I had used up all my points for the day.

I hate brunch.

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