what I won't miss (lyn)

When Alexander was a baby, I read about a woman who kept a jar of pennies.  Each penny represented a day, and the number of pennies equaled the number of days her child would be at home before leaving for college.  Every day this woman would remove a penny from the jar.  I remember thinking how sad it would be to watch the pennies diminish.

Today, if I had kept that jar, there would be a paltry 63 pennies left in it.  Not even enough for a cup of coffee. 

While I was pregnant, I would look at the little room that would my baby’s. And as much as I tried to imagine what it would be like to be a mother, I couldn’t.  This is how I feel now.  I try to imagine a day going by, with Alexander not coming home at the end of it, and I really can’t.

There is so much I’ll miss when Alexander leaves for college, I think it's better to think about what I won’t miss.  And there are a few things.

I won’t miss:

• Buying Agata’s sorbet and having it disappear in one sitting.
• Worrying when Alexander is out at night.
• Thinking about what to make/buy for dinner.
• Discovering Alexander still up at three in the morning studying because he waited until the last minute.  Again.
• Getting Alexander up in the morning.
• Reminding Alexander to …take out the trash, make his bed, write a thank-you note, put his stuff away, unload the dishwasher, finish his whatever that is due soon.
• Being accused of nagging. 
• Living in my bedroom so Alexander can take over the living room to work or play.
• Watching Alexander stress out over a paper, test, grade, etc.
• Opening the fridge and seeing lots of open Poland Spring bottles that are half finished.

As I write this list I struggle to think of what to include, as the things I will miss keep coming to mind.  That list would fill volumes.