Thursday, March 15, 2012

spring break (m)

I am sitting poolside, all by myself, in Florida. The weather is spectacular--mid 80's, sunny, a few puffy white puffy clouds. T and Sam went deep-sea fishing. They halfheartedly extended an invitation to me --we know you'll hate it but if you want to come, there's room in the boat for you-- but I chose to stay by the pool and work on my tan.

I get to the pool early, choose a great location...facing the sun now, an umbrella nearby for later, a coveted side table for my stuff and set up shop. My ipad (Lyn keeps asking if I've read her blog), Blackberry (about to become extinct in April when I'm due for an upgrade), cellphone and book (The Flight of Gemma Hardy--it's great). I put on a little sunscreen (SPF 70 on my ears and 45 on my body) and lie down. Ah, bliss. What could be better? I'll tell you what. The guy directly across the pool from me is a jerk. All I can hear is his voice. He is with a bikini-clad blonde who hasn't uttered a word (maybe she's dead?) and he is yakking to the old guy next to him. The cute little 18-year old girl from Minnesota who is next to me and I decide we hate him. Here's a sample:

Jerk: I used to live in San Diego but I've recently moved to Boston.
Old Guy: Boston! Why would anyone leave San Diego for Boston?!
Jerk: I got a big promotion. (Note to self: Look up companies that have offices in San Diego and Boston. This schmuck could not have gotten a big promotion at anyplace impressive).
Old Guy:'s a college town...must be a lot of of young chicks there for a guy like you! (the old bastard says this with the blonde right there! maybe she is dead).

At this point in the conversation I almost yell over, "Hey, hey now, I'm from Boston."  Good thing I don't. Here's what the jerk says next.

Jerk: No way! You wouldn't believe how ugly they are! Lots of fat women, too.

My new friend Micheala from Minnesota and I decide we want to pay her little brothers to go in the pool and hold the jerk's head under water. My guess is everyone poolside would applaud.

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