Tuesday, July 19, 2011

"out there" (m)

In one of my favorite scenes in a Seinfeld show, the hapless George is sitting in the local restaurant with his crazy mother who is newly separated from her crazier husband.  She tells George she's thinking of getting an eyelift now that she's "out there," meaning on the dating scene.

George, horrified, screams: You're not out there.  You can't be out there because I am out there.  And if I see you out there, there's not enough voltage in this world to electro-shock me back into coherence!

Last night, I went to a surprise birthday party for my dear friend, Susan.  We've been friends for 50 years.  Also at the party were three women, friends of Susan's, whom I didn't really know, a third friend we'll call P and our other childhood friend, M.

The dinner was great...nice venue, nice food, nice service.  The conversation was great, too.  We spent  most of the time learning about each other--kids, schools, sports etc.  I fielded a text from Lyn as to where to buy the best hangars for a college dorm (TJ Maxx was the unanimous decision).

Then it got interesting.

I commented that our friend, M, looked fantastic.  She had some "fillers" done to her face which made her lines disappear.  She looks at least 10 years younger and "fresh."  This led to a conversation about cosmetic treatments...non surgical, surgical, etc.

Most of us agreed we would do some of the non-surgical procedures.  One woman, L, a social worker at a mental health facility, held back.  I could tell she thought we were a little shallow even discussing cosmetic enhancements.

Then someone explained to L: "You're not out there.  Pam and M (my friend, M) are out there.  They have to look good if they are trying to meet men."

When viewed as psychological enhancements, L the Social Worker was on board and joined in the conversation.

I looked at the women at the table.  All thin and attractive.  If they had to go out there on the dating scene, their fixes would be easy.  A little filler here, a little Botox there.  No major issues.  Maybe hair highlights.  They weren't even afraid of their bodies being seen by someone.

Meanwhile, I'm so glad I'm not out there for more reasons than I can count.  Recently, for example, I tried to get my famed dermatologist to do something about my racoon circles under my eyes.  He shook his head and said, "Genetics.  Mediterranean pigmentation.  Nothing I can do for that."

This guy can do a face transplant but he can't fix my dark circles.

Thankfully, I'm not out there.

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