Tuesday, March 29, 2011

body scan at the airport (m)

The terrorists won.  That's all I can conclude after going through the rigamarole at the airports.  Shoes off, every object in a plastic bin.  Long lines.  Pat downs and now this: body scans.

I've read about the controversial body scans--the invasion of privacy issues, radiation harm, etc.   I thought I'd have the option of a pat down vs. the body scan, but the joyless clerks at Logan International Airport in Boston never present me with the option.

Harrison and I go through the body scan, him first.  He goes through, faces the machine and, in what seemed like seconds, he is done.  I don't even notice the pat-down.  He's through the line.

I'm up.  "Ma'am, please turn and face the machine, put your feet on the spots indicated and arms out."  I am standing there for what seems like hours.  What the hell is taking so long?  I realized then that there are people inside the box I am facing (like a guard shed) who are scanning me and seeing everything.  Every thing.  I start to imagine the conversation inside the shed:

Person 1 : Jesus.  She's a big one. 
Person 2: Wait, stay on the stomach a little longer.  That would be a good place to hide drugs in the "folds" of her flesh
Person 1: I'm on it.  I don't see drugs.  I see a Spanx label, though.  What's that all about?
Person 2 (female): It's an undergarment brand to help you look slimmer. 
Person 1 (male): Well, it works...she looks better in clothes.

The worst part of the whole thing (other than the scenario I imagine) is worrying if anyone in the box is  related to me.  I have 40 first cousins and some of them work "in the airport business" as they say.  You think I'm kidding?  I once went through a toll on the Mass Pike on Christmas Day and the tolltaker leans in the window and says "M! Oh My God! Is that you? Merry Christmas!"  Beautiful.  My upper middle class WASP husband almost fainted with Wheezy (Louise) sticking her head in his window to talk to me.

H and I get through that ordeal and wait to board Lufthansa.  Harrison eats at one of the concession stands.  I have a banana (free on the Points Plus program) and a bottle of water.

Good to go.

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