I met Hazel in 1975 when I first moved to Chicago. She was a friend of my boyfriend’s at the time, and for a while we were roommates. We lived in Lincoln Park, in a great building, where Hazel still lives.
I left Chicago in 1981 but we’ve always kept in touch. Between her work and mine, we used to see each other at least once a year. I haven’t seen her now since March 2007, which is probably the longest we’ve gone without a face-to-face. Hazel is a smart girl, but she’s never been afraid of having fun, even when that means acting childish. I think Alexander was about 12 before he realized that Hazel was not his age.
Hazel and I have shared many laughs together. I could probably pick any random topic and find a couple of good Hazel stories on that particular topic. So keeping consistent with the theme of this blog, here are two food-related stories:
Once we were having dinner in Chicago and I asked for a Coke “with no ice.” When I got the bill, I’d been charged more for my Coke without ice than Hazel had been for her Coke with ice. This was a purposeful act. I remember there being some kind of scene. We stormed out. Dramatically, I’m sure. And then I realized I’d left my wallet inside the restaurant and we had to go back. Our previous theatrical exit was thus obliterated by our sheepish return.
Hazel was visiting me in Boston one year when M was hosting a New Year’s Eve dinner party, replete with lobster and a who’s who of Gillette guest-list. Hazel was eating lobster for the first time. In trying to extract a piece from the shell, Hazel’s lobster claw flew across the room and landed in the drink of the best-dressed-most-elite-highest ranking person at the party. She was not happy.
Today Hazel emails me and tells me that she has many great but younger friends, and that she wants to find more friends her age, a young 59, almost 60. So Hazel actually creates a list and mails it to me with the subject line, “tell me if you think this is mean…”.
Now normally, I don’t like supposedly funny or poignant lists because usually they are neither. But this one I find particularly insightful. So here it is, along with Hazel’s comments preceding it:
So I am thinking about ideally what I would look for in new friends that are my own age besides the obvious things like having things in common, good personalities, intelligence, etc. So this is what I'd like in any friend I make over the age of 50 (they don't have to have all of these qualities but I'd rather them have more than fewer):
1. Use email and check email daily
2. Text
3. Know how to use their digital cameras
4. Refrain from writing checks in stores, particularly grocery and drug stores
5. Be reasonably happily married or single (must not hate spouse)
6. Do not have cell phone plans which limit day time calling or have a very generous limit
7. Do not own Christmas sweaters
8. Have good kids or at least not loser kids
9. If lucky enough to have parents still living, parents should be healthy. If parents are in poor health, they should obtain good care for their parents and not expect that they can get good care by paying some poor illegal immigrant cash under the table equivalent to half the going rate
10. Will not go 30 minutes out of their way to buy something at a lower price unless the savings is great than $20
11. Let hair go gray or have hair professionally colored
12. Not be afraid of public transportation
13. Order an appetizer once in a while
14. Like to have a drink or two on occasion
15. Would love to get high if presented with the opportunity
16. Will not itemize restaurant tabs unless there is a huge discrepancy
17. Say "fuck" instead of "f word"
I agree with everything Hazel’s written. And, she could pick any one of my friends and feel confident that they would qualify!
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