Sunday, December 6, 2009

NEXT TO NORMAL: the play (lyn)

Before I saw this play, I had no idea what the title meant.  But now I do.


To say the family portrayed in this musical is dysfunctional would be a gross understatement.  It is about a manic-depressive mother and the damage she causes on the family she loves.  It is about the pain a family experiences when one member is in constant anguish. It is about the willingness to settle for something that’s not perfect, but is so much better than what was.  The daughter in the play, upon seeing her mother appearing to improve, says she is not looking for normal, she says she would be content with something that is ‘next to normal.’

I’m having trouble reconciling that I may never work in a professional job again.  I believe I still have much talent and energy and creativity left, but no one wants to pay for it.  My life is busy, filled with people I love, movies, theater, activities at Alexander’s school, and museums (well, it could be filled with museums).   But I feel a void.  I miss being part of a team that relies on me.  I miss leading a group toward a common goal.  I miss having a good answer when someone asks what I do.  And I desperately miss having a paycheck.  Career-wise, I am so far away from my normal that it’s hard to remember what it once was.

But that’s not true for the way I appear.  If I were to see someone I haven’t seen in a long time, they would think me unchanged (in terms of weight, anyway).  But I want better for myself. 

For now, I am happy living right next to my normal, knowing that soon enough I’ll be inside it.  

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