slow return of the slow cooker (lyn)

I decide to take the advice of Shari, Zelia, my mother and M.  Today I’ll return the slow cooker.  Alexander was not enthralled with its output, it takes up a lot of space, and really, how often will I use it.

So I take out the boxes it came in, print out a return label from Amazon, and arm myself with wrapping tape and scissors.  It takes awhile to squish everything back into the box, leaving some left over Styrofoam on my bedroom floor.  The packaged box looks nothing like the neat little wrapped gems you see in fed ex commercials.

I carry the 18-pound box to my Post Office, which is just around the corner.  It’s the weekend before Christmas so the line is long.  After 20 minutes, I finally get to the window, and it's Denise who helps me.

Immediately she says, “Your box is bulging.”  “That’s okay; I don’t mind,” I say, pretending to let her believe that I think her concern is for me.  She doesn’t buy it.  “I don’t care that it’s okay with you, it’s not okay with me.  You shouldn’t ship a box like this.“  I ignore her comment and proceed as if she hasn’t just said that.  No way am I re-packing this thing.

I ask for the various pricing options (2-day, priority, express mail, etc.).  She sighs making it clear that this is an inconvenience.  I mean now she has to look up some things.  The top price is $70.  I opt for the $14.25 standard shipping option and decide to add delivery confirmation for 80 cents.

The delivery confirmation form has numbers on it so the product can be tracked.  She hands me back the part of the form that I will be taking home with me, and tells me that I need to complete it, by adding the address of where the package is going.  This strikes me as ludicrous.  I don't need the full address on my copy of the form, so as a reminder, I write only “Amazon- Cuisinart slow cooker.” I hand it back.  “No," Denise almost shouts, " you need to put the whole address on it.  It don't make no sense to put half an address on the form.”  “But why," I say, "since I’m the only one getting this form and I have the address at home.”  Now she’s really annoyed with me. First I make her check on a few different postal rate options, and now I’m expecting her to explain a policy that makes no sense (or at least no sense that I can see.}. “ Look, these are the rules.  It don’t matter to me what you think the rules should be."  Then she launches into a little story, assuming an entirely different voice.  The story is about a customer who one day comes to Denise's window with her delivery confirmation receipt that doesn't have an address on it.  The customer is angry at the post office for not being able to track her missing package. Denise finishes the story with the following summation,  “I don’t need no more problems than I already have.  If you just follow the rules, it makes everyone’s life easier.”

I decide not to pursue this, as she then might remember how badly packaged the box is and decide not to let me mail it at all.  The people waiting in line must love me.