life choices (m)

I have a friend I haven't seen in about 10 months.  He used to weigh over 300 pounds.  Still, he was always viewed as attractive probably because he is so charismatic and intelligent.  He also could be the funniest human I have ever met. 

I used to work with him.  He handled all the public relations for my company.  One day, he had a call from the media to appear on televison.  He asked his administrative assistant for the nearest barber shop so he could get a quick trim.  She sent him to the one in her neighborhood which serves an inner-city, street-tough African-American clientele.   He isn't.  It was clear from the result that they did not know what to do with his kind of hair.  It was hideous.  I think they carved his initials in the back of his head.

There are photos of him judging a women's beauty contest to see who had the best pair of legs.  He is smiling broadly, wearing khaki shorts, bigger than life.  He is a piece of work.

One day last year, he called me to say he had undergone gastric bypass surgery.  This came as a shock to me as I didn't know he was even considering it.

Last night, he came to dinner at my house along with four other former coworkers.    He has lost 140 pounds since I last saw him.  Needless to say, the effect was dramatic.  He walked in, normal sized, dressed in navy cords, a blue shirt and a gray sweater.  He looked like Hugh Grant, the actor.  All the other guests gasped, as did my sons and husband.

I asked how he was feeling.  He said good, more energetic and that his diabetes was gone.  Then, I served dinner.  He barely touched his lobster, played with his green beans and pushed aside his baked potato.  I asked if he couldn't eat that kind of food (even though I cleared the menu with him last week).  "No, I'm just full."  He eats like a bird, and that's the way it's going to be from now on.  For the rest of his life.

I asked if it was all worth it...the gastric bypass procedure, the recovery, the new way of life.  He said, "It got rid of my diabetes."  It was a "half-full" answer and I think the words were carefully selected.

Watching him, I felt as though I was watching some infirm person who can no longer savor the pleasures of a fine meal on a special occasion.  I could not live that way.  It's not that food is so important to me.  I think it's more that life is too important to live it in tiny increments on a permanent basis.  Every now and then, it is important to live out loud.  His eating was more like a whisper.

I ate tonight.  A few appetizers, half of a baked stuff lobster and half a baked potato, some salad, green beans and a few sips of champagne and one cookie.  I would not call that being "on plan".  On the other hand, this is a far cry from what I would have done pre-WW.  Interestingly, I got no joy out of eating with abandon.  I would get no joy out of eating with such restrictions, either.

What I've learned these past three months on WW is that this program is a new way of life for me.  And, if I stay within in bounds most of the time, I will be able to savor the special moments even more than before.