bum wrap (m)

H drives home on the Mass Pike in rush hour traffic.  I make a mental note to wear those adult diapers next time we do this.  He does a good job but the Pike is stressful, especially on Friday nights.

We pull into the driveway and the UPS man is just pulling out in his van.  I thank God my mother isn't here to see me get yet another package.  I don't think she's ever ordered anything that had to arrive via the mail.

I take the package inside.  What can this be?  Gasp!  It's my new wrap dress (in black and in my new size).  I first apply fresh lipstick and then slip the dress on and turn to face the mirror.

Yuck.

V-neck is too high, length is too long, too much material around the hips, and it's not even a proper wraparound dress...it's a faux wrap where the front folds as if it were a real wrap dress.  I'm devastated thinking the red one...the dress of my vision...is going to be a bust, too.

I look in the mirror again.  I look like one of my Italian aunts at a wake.

Wrap dress?  Bummer.