nana's 85th birthday (m)

There was an episode on The Mary Tyler Moore Show where Mary throws a surprise birthday party for her crusty but loveable boss, Mr. Grant.  The problem is, Lou Grant finds out about the plan just in advance and forbids Mary to have the party for him.  Meanwhile, the guests are lined up outside the door, banging to get in.

The whole episode centers on Mary talking about the special relationship Lou has with each of the guests until he finally concedes that person can be let in.  It takes the whole episode until the last guest gets into the party.

Six weeks ago, my brothers and I started planning a party for our mother's big birthday.  First, she wanted no party, then a small dinner party, then just the immediate family, then the immediate family plus her favorite cousins, then the immediate family, her favorite cousins and two sisters-in-law.  I was exhausted before we even chose a menu.

With the help of my brothers, we narrowed the three-page menu down to four choices for the guests and had them select their entrees in advance.   The choices were filet mignon, herb-roasted chicken, grilled haddock or a pasta primavera.  There was chocolate mousse for dessert along with a strawberry shortcake for the birthday cake.  The appetizer was clam chowder and the salad was tomato and mozzarella. I had some of everything and calculated that I ate sixty points that day....about three times my daily budget.

But, even for my family, the food was not the point of the evening. 

It was a time when the people closest to my mother came together to celebrate the life of a woman who endured tremendous struggle (untimely death of a most beloved father, poverty, a hideously abusive stepfather) to emerge strong, independent and whole.  Her mother could neither read nor write (Italian or English) so my mother took over the shopping for the family at the tender age of 8 years old.  Every Saturday, she walked up the steep hill on Broadway in South Boston and squeezed every bargain she could out of the merchants so that she could arrive home with a full bag of groceries for her family.  The shopkeepers were both amused and challenged by her.

While her ability to get the most out of a dollar is legendary, I'm more impressed with what she "squeezed" out of her three ordinary kids.  There is no doubt my brothers and I went further than we might otherwise have gone because of her focus on education.   She pushed us to realize our full potential.  I hope to have passed that along to the next generation.

There was a wonderful photo retrospective, organized by her granddaughter.  Everyone at the party was represented in the photos and it is a beautiful thing to see relationships evolve over so much time.  Birthdays, weddings, holidays.  They mean so much more when you understand how they keep us connected and how they mark the passages of time and document the journey we share with each other through this life.

My mother was touched by the speeches people gave on her behalf.  The highlight was my sister-in-law Betsy who thanked my mother for "mothering" her after her own mother, Kay, died.  Apparently, my mother went to the hospital to see Kay and promised her she would look after Betsy as if she were her own.  It was a gift of peace of mind for Kay to leave this world.

I noticed alot of the speeches ended with: I Love You.

It was a beautiful evening all around.