why I hate hermes (m)

On Christmas Day, my husband waited until everyone had opened his/her gifts and then left the room and came back with his hands behind his back.  With a huge smile on his face, he said "And this....is for you!".

It was a large box in the signature orange color.  Hermes.  I opened it up and it was a huge shawl made of cashmere and silk.  The colors were vibrant, almost too vibrant and the pattern was crazy busy.  I thanked him profusely and tried it on.  I felt like I was on a merry-go-round that wouldn't stop.  We both knew it was going back.

It wasn't until last week that I made my way into Hermes.  The store intimidates me.  I remember the Paris store personnel saw Oprah coming after hours and wouldn't let her in.  The media made a big deal out of it.  Hermes took its time apologizing to Oprah.  If they could do that to her, I wondered what they would do to me.

My husband came with me.  I found out what he paid for the shawl and told him he could build a large hospital in a third world country for the money.  The clerk was not amused.  I scanned the array of scarves and after thirty minutes, found two scarves that were nice.  Still some money left.  I got a watchband for my Cape Cod watch that my friends Michele and Carol gave me when I was promoted to President back in 2005. 

While waiting for my husband to settle up, I took a throat lozenge out of my pocket (1 point).  Another one must have fallen out of my pocket because the other clerk said in a loud voice "Madame, you dropped some CANDY."  I swear she had a smirk on her face.  My husband said I was imagining the smirk, but I think not.  She made it sound like it was a Hershey's bar.  A Hall's throat lozenge.  CANDY?  Really.

Got home and took the scarves out of the bag.  They are in their individual boxes wrapped with ribbons.  I placed them in my closet with my purse collection which never gets used. 

I looked into the bag and saw a small box.  What's this?  A gift from my buddies at Hermes?  It looked like a deck of playing cards or even a box of notecards (maybe I'll send the clerk a note explaining a throat lozenge is not CANDY).  It was neither. 

It is a box of instructions for tying the scarves into different configurations.

Imagine.  A scarf that can be worn as a blouse...or even, a dress.  How small are these people?  How big are these scarves?

Today, I went into the store to pick up my watch.  I asked the clerk if the illustrations on the cards for the "dress" and "blouse" were special-sized scarves.  He looks at me and sniffs, "No, Madame.  They are the same size scarves as the ones you got last week.  If YOU'RE  interested in some of those configurations, I suggest you stick with the shawl."

I've NOT been insulted by better people than these twits.

At least I'm in good company...with Oprah.