it's not all about me (m)

I'm not a selfish person.  In fact, I've been told I need to be more self-serving.  "Put yourself first," people tell me.  It's not how I was raised and it's not how I'm raising my sons.

However, I've found that being on a diet requires a good deal of self absorption.  Those who are most successful at these types of programs are very adept at putting their needs ahead of others.  Even in the Weight Watchers classes they tell you to cook for yourself first....make other people eat what you are eating or, better yet, have them cook for themselves if they want something different. 

It's like being on an airplane when it's going down...put your oxygen mask on first, then you can help others.  Survival.

So, I've adapted. When I see people, I not only ask what is going on with them and how they are doing, but I wait for recognition that I've lost weight...55 pounds and counting.  When they don't notice, I'm disappointed and discouraged.

Last week, I went to the wake and funeral of the sister of a woman whom I adore and who worked for me for 20 years.  D started right before I got pregnant with Sam.  She is the most observant human being I have met.  D said she noticed several changes in my appearance even before I announced my pregnancy.  She was the only person who noticed.

Through the twenty years together, D and I have watched each other's weights go up and up... and down a little... and up again.  I could pinpoint her weight to the nearest pound.  I'm sure she could do the same for me.

A few days after her sister's services, my husband asked how she was doing and I said "You know, she never said anything about my weight loss."  My husband turned towards me with an appalled look on his face and said, "She was overcome with grief!!  This week was not about you!"

He's right.  I think I'll go back to being selfless.  I like myself better that way anyway.