Monday, December 26, 2011

leftover hangover (m)

December 26th....the day after.  I awaken feeling hungover but consumed 4 oz. of alcohol all day on Christmas.  Could've been the chocolate cake from Abe & Louis' restaurant that I bought.  The sugar high made me feel like I was on acid.

I remember that I promised my cousin Patty that I would meet her at the aunties' house to deliver their gifts to them.  I arrive with two large bags filled with wrapped presents (courtesy of my friend, V, who wrapped them).  Patty arrived with two bags of leftovers.

I am a mess.  I'm tired from hosting a group of 14 yesterday.   I am tired of shopping for presents and wrapping and delivering and hunting down the UPS guy and grocery shopping.  I want more than anything to check into a spa somewhere. My aunt X is staring at my hair which is sticking up in all directions.  Patty says my eyes look swollen.  Aunt Y can't see that well so she says nothing.

The aunties got dressed up for our "little Christmas."  They are in nice sweaters and pants.  They reek of Jean Nate cologne (is it even cologne? toilet water, perhaps?).  I want to open a window to wake me up and breathe anything but Jean Nate.

Patty spreads the food out on the table.  It is 11 a.m. and she lays out brownies, banana bread and 7-layer bars.  She asks if I want anything.  NO! I say, too quickly.  I never want to see food again.

The aunts are talking but I can't hear because the television is on, set to QVC.  Every now and then, I lose someone's concentration to some item being featured at a hot price.  "'d look good in that!" Patty tells me.  I turn and look at the tv...they are showing a dropped shoulder kimono sweater.  Really?  I wouldn't wear that in my coffin.  Patty cuts me off mid-sentence and starts dialing QVC on her cell phone to order one of those cross-body bags with the ten zippered compartments for travel.  She's going on a big trip to South Carolina in January.

I pop a Sudafed and chase it down with green tea doused with some lemon juice from one of those plastic lemons.  After I put it in the tea, Aunt X tells me she's had the lemon for years...but it's been in the fridge.   Now I'm worried I'll get mold inside my nasal passages and end up like that guy I saw on Sally Jesse Raphael's show one time who lost part of his face to mold.  That episode still haunts me.

I stay an hour and bid everyone goodbye.

I'm so over Christmas.

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