small compromises (lyn)

Years ago I used to smoke.  Maybe a pack a week.  I was mostly a recreational smoker.  I almost never smoked before five pm, preferring instead, the evenings.  And even then, I smoked primarily in social situations.  When I was drinking (which was rare), driving alone (which was more common), or playing games (cards, backgammon, boggle, etc.), I usually had a cigarette in my hand.

In 1981, I was dating John (whom I still speak to).  He challenged me to give up smoking for a week, and I did.  After that, it was easy to continue.  This was one of John’s few positive influences on me.

But I found that when I gave up smoking, I didn’t enjoy as much the activity I used to associate with it.  So for a while, I didn’t like driving or game-playing.  It took some time to disassociate the smoking from the activity.

It’s not so different with food.  It’s not as much fun dining out if I have to order something I don’t like to stay within my points. (I know this is not a perfect analogy as one cannot disassociate eating out from food, but I think there is still some similarity).   Tomorrow my sister is going to be in the city (she lives in Long Island) and she asked me to join her and her family for brunch at a restaurant I really like, Atlantic Grill.  So I go online to check their menu, and see lots of things I love.  Eggs Benedict.  Crab Cakes.  Cinnamon Raisin French Toast.  Blueberry Pancakes.  And then I see Egg White Omelet with low-fat Muenster Cheese.  That’s what I’d have to order if I went.  And as much as I want to have brunch with my sister and her family, I decide it’ll be too hard to eat something I don’t like, while watching others eat the very things I crave (and haven’t had in almost two months).  I decide to pass.

Tonight’s another example.   I am seeing a movie with Zelia.  I used to love to go to the movies, buy a box of popcorn and mix in junior mints (or chocolate covered raisinets or goobers).  I haven’t abandoned this combination entirely; I’ve just adjusted it.

Before leaving the house tonight, I will microwave a 94% fat-free bag of popcorn.  I will take out my new Weight Watchers scale (that I love but may have to hide, as I feel like an obsessive dieter just having one).  I will then pour a serving of raisinets onto it so I can accurately account for its weight.  And then I will mix the two together in a bag, and hide it in my purse. 

It is a lot easier to eat with abandon, but the results are not as pretty.