Week #3, 16 pounds lost and I have to admit this is working. The last time I lost a significant amount of weight was 1977, my senior year at college. I started in January at 170 pounds and lost 30 by June. 140 is my "fighting weight". I looked so good by graduation that my roommate's Swedish exchange student's father hit on me. Yuck. He was very old, like 40.
Over the past 32 years, as the weight crept up, I knocked it back periodically by various methods including:
Weight Loss Clinic-highly restrictive. I consumed less than 1,000 calories per day. The "counselors" wore white lab coats and took my blood pressure three times per week (BP averaged 100/60). I once fainted in their office. That's when I quit.
HMR--I don't know what HMR stands for. My neighbor did this and lost 85 pounds, so I gave it a try. Another ridiculously restrictive diet. They had pre-packaged food. I was suspicious of the lasagna that never needed refrigeration --or cooking! I even brought 6 of these with me to Tahiti when I was there for a commercial shoot and it was there--at the home of Marlon Brando's son--when I was eating bogus lasagna that I thought "this is insane". I quit right on the spot. A few months later, I discovered my neighbor gained back all her weight and then some.
L.A. Weight Loss-I lasted about three weeks on this program. I had a bad reaction to the vitamin supplements. I was in NYC at a play -- Hairspray --when I started itching uncontrollably. The supplements contained shellfish. Who knew? I'm allergic to certain types of shellfish. I drank a half bottle of Benadryl and crossed this program off the list.
Hypnosis-- There was a huge ad in the Boston Globe about a new hypnosis center that guaranteed results. I went in for a consultation and had to fill out a 6-page questionnaire. Then I had to interview with the head of the center who would screen me for "appropriateness" (read: susceptibility). I couldn't get past his cheap suit and pinkie ring. He told me "great news, I think you are going to do really well on hypnosis" (he must not have paid attention when I told him I was kicked out of E.S.T.--the only person in the program's history). I said I would think about it and never responded to his 15 phone messages.
Personal Nutritionist- This woman is very good and very well known. She is THE nutritionist for two major sports teams. I liked the fact that I didn't have to weigh or measure things. We would sit and laugh for an hour and she even told me I didn't have to weigh in if I didn't want to. Of course, I never wanted to weigh in and never lost weight, either. This was too loose for me.
The Water Institute- A famed Russian coach, we'll call Igor (real name), integrates water exercise into a complete regimen for wellness and weight loss. Cost a small fortune. He coaches world-class athletes. During my consultation with him, he had me walk across the gymnasium so that he could assess my gait. I gave it my best. I wore my sneakers with my corrective orthotics (so my left leg would go straight versus turn out) and held my head and shoulders high and straight (per my Jordan Marsh Fashion Seminar training--for perfect posture, you lift your shoulders all the way up, then all the way back and then all the way down so they are squared off. Try it.). When I turned around, Igor had his head in his hands and said: "If you would be motor vehicle, you would be truck." Believe it or not, the worst part was going in the pool with him where I had to don a bathing cap (I'm still scarred by the fact my brother Phil once described me as Uncle Fester when I wore one) and had to buy a $165 swim vest (Why? Am I trying out for the Coast Guard?). The whole process was humiliating. I couldn't go back. He called to tell me no one has ever quit him!
Phen-Fen- Actually, I never did this but I put it here because my mother and brother thought this sounded perfect when it first appeared on the scene. You'd think I would have jumped at the opportunity to try it, but I'm very conservative when it comes to taking drugs so I waited until there was more information. The information was that people started dropping dead from this. Whenever my mother or brother subsequently would get on me about my weight I remind them that their advice almost landed me in the morgue.
Oh, and that one program I did back in 1977 when I successfully lost weight? Weight Watchers.
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Two things.
ReplyDeleteOne. This much I know is true...if you put too much food in your mouth and don't get enough excercise (and that means doing something that causes you to struggle for breath for a solid 45 minutes AT LEAST 4 days a week), then none of those hocus-pocus, shake chicklen bones-over-your-head stuff works.
Losing weight is hard work. It really IS about deprivation. If anyone tells you otherwise, it's a lie - e.g., hypnosis,LA Weightloss, etc...
We've all heard stories about women who "just stopped eating bread" and lost 24 pounds. Those are bullshit stories, made up by women who are trying to make themselves appear superior. Like the green flash on the ocean horizon at sunset, losing weight while feeling emotionally fulfilled and physically satiated, is a myth.
My sister, Elaine, has been on WW 20 times in the past 30 years. She loses. She gains. She loses. She gains. I was visiting her over the summer and she was moaning about the fact that no matter how hard she tried, she couldn't lose weight. She was depriving herself -- drinking BLACK coffee, eating salads everyday...blah, blah, blah. As I was (half) listening, I noted that she was eating the "Lite" Doritos and the "Lite" sour cream and the "good fat" avocado guacamole...WHAT??
Sorry. I don't care about tha fact that she saved up her poinst ALL month so she could eat that crap....she can't eat that crap!! Deprive yourself! If it tastes good, it'll make you FAT!
After 6 weeks, she has lost 20 pounds. She and her fat husband "walk" up crazy hills at the local cemetary. They don't talk -- they can't.
If they talk, they can't breathe.
After her "walk," she eats a cup of sugar-free Jello -- no Fat Free Cool Whip -- and goes to sleep. Quickly -- so she won't be tempted to eat.
Two. As my mother often said, "It hurts to be beautiful." Diets ARE painful...but, if you want a smaller ass and thinner thighs, close your mouth and suck it up.