my cousin patty (m)

My cousin Patty is larger than life, literally and figuratively.  If I had to choose the most colorful person I know, she would win--hands down.

Patty is obsessed with food....cooking eat, eating it, serving it.  She once told me that if she ever were diagnosed with terminal cancer, she would get in her car and eat her way up and down the food stands at Revere Beach...fried clams, burgers, fries, ice cream sundaes.  "Why not?  I'm gonna die anyway."

Patty's blood sugar is off the charts...450...whatever that means.  I know normal should be 88-120.  Her doctors have urged her to consider gastric bypass surgery but she says it would change her personality and she likes who she is.

Besides, if the worst were to happen, she's already planned what she wants to be buried in.  Last year it was the brown outfit she ordered from some tv shopping channel, but that was before she talked to the undertaker, Freddie Cafasso, and found out he can "suck out as much of me as he needs to so I fit in my size ten wedding dress".  So, that's the current plan.

Patty's a sharp cookie.  Despite the fact she just met the minimum requirement for number of days in attendance to graduate high school (she had to take care of her mother), she's as street smart as they come.  Got a problem with woodpeckers eating your shingles?  Call Patty. "What you want to do is get a nylon stocking, fill it with mothballs and then cover the outside with hot pepper...they HATE hot pepper!".  Her house has aluminum siding so I asked how she knows this tip:  "I just know this shit", she said.

Today, Patty and I co-hosted a party for our aunt's 85th birthday.  We have been planning this party for 4 weeks.  We invited 50 people and almost everyone came.  I had little control over the menu:

Appetizers-Shrimp cocktail, spinach and cheese dip, bean dip (mayonnaise based), cheetos (for the kids), cheese and cracker platter with grapes, stuffed mushrooms and dishes of candy in every room of the house....M&Ms (plain and peanut), Kit-Kat bars, Reese's peanut butter cups, Ghiradelli chocolate squares, Lindt chocolate truffles, those jellie things with sugar on them, Swedish fish and Tootsie Rolls.  The little kids' eyes bugged out of their heads.  They must have thought they were at Willy Wonka's house.  Patty's the only person I know who considers candy an appetizer.

Main course- lasagna, meatballs, sausage, eggplant parmesan,  turkey, squash, mashed potatoes, gravy, corn, peas, stuffing, vegetable cheese casserole, rolls, Greek salad and antipasto.  Yes, I know it 's a bit schizophrenic. She started the planning with an Italian theme and then the weather got cooler which made her think Fall and she switched to a Thanksgiving theme.  Then she called one night because she couldn't decide which one.  Then she called again and said she had a brainstorm....."we'll do both!"  All this was cooked in her small kitchen with only one oven and yet the food kept coming.  It was like something from the Bible.

Dessert-two types of cake, assorted pastries, fresh fruit bowl, ricotta pie, two trifles, assorted cookies and lots and lots of candy ("for the kids").   My brother, Phil, asked Patty if she had a tray of disposable needles filled with insulin for the guests.

Even our other relatives thought it was over the top.

The interesting thing was that I could view this food orgy with detachment and not engage.  I had salad and some turkey and fruit.  I have to say the after 6 weeks on WW, it's become a way of life and I don't really view it as a diet.  This was a bit of a breakthrough for me.

Besides, when I weighed myself this morning, I was down 3.5 pounds since yesterday and when my younger son hugged me he said: "Whoa...there's definitely less of you".