blue hair special (m)

My mother needs an echocardiogram.  I take her to Mass General Hospital.  She's nervous.  We sit in the waiting room, waiting to be called.

"I hope I don't get a male technician.  I got one the last time and it was very uncomfortable." 

She is talking about the fact that you have to disrobe from the waist up.  Even though you wear a johnnie, it's open in the front so they can put the electrodes on your chest.

Every 5 minutes, someone comes to the waiting room to call the next patient.  I look around....there are about 6 people there...all elderly.  Every time a name is called, there's a long pause...the name gets repeated again and again.  Someone named Ernest gets called.  He's the only man in the room yet he doesn't respond. "ERNEST???" they repeat three more times.  "Oh...did someone call Ernest?" he says ...finally.

This is how it goes every time they call someone.  It's making me crazy.

Finally, my mother gets called.  It's the little Filippino technician from last time.  I ask if I can go in with her.  He says yes.  We go in.  I brought Weight Watchers magazine with me.  He shuts the lights.  "Oh, I can't read," I say.  "STAY RIGHT THERE!," my mother barks.

The echo takes an hour.

We get out of the hospital at 4 p.m.  My mother is hungry as she ate a light lunch.  I had none.

We agree to go to dinner.  There's a great place called Scampo at the Liberty Hotel right near the hospital.  A Lydia Shire restaurant.  Casual Italian food.  Fabulous.

"No. Take me to Jimmy's," my mother says.

Oh, God.  Jimmy's is a "classic American restaurant" on Route 1 in Saugus.  It's in a strip mall.  Route 1 on a Friday is a horror show.  Plus, there was something in the back of my mind about Jimmy's.  I can't remember what it is but I remember it's not a good thing.

We drive in rush hour traffic.  Because my mother does not know exactly where on Route 1 Jimmy's is located, we have to strain our eyes as we pass each strip mall.  I'm keeping up with the traffic but still, the woman behind me in the gold-colored Jeep Cherokee is getting antsy.  Get this.  She passes me on the right even though I'm in the far right lane.  She's chewing gum and is a real toughie.  I pull up and don't let her in.  She has no choice but to fall back behind me.  She then gets aggressive and passes me on the left, rolls her window down and flips me the finger.  I roll down my window and say, "In a rush to get back to your trailer?"  Not my proudest moment, but I must say I got some satisfaction out of it.

We get to Jimmy's and walk into the lobby.  It smells like a nursing home in here....a little urine-y.  That's it!!  Now I remember.  Cousin Patty takes the aunties here and she commented on the smell.

We walk across the lobby to our booth.  The place is packed with elderly people.  Looks like a casting call for Cocoon II.  I haven't seen blue-tinted white hair in a long time.  It looks "punk" with the weird lighting in the place.  I almost took a header on someone's cane sticking way out in the aisle.  They're coming in with walkers and oxygen tanks. 


My mother takes forever to order.  She is afraid of making a bad choice.  By the time she's ready, I've had a good look around the place and have lost my appetite.

I order broiled scrod, garden salad with balsamic vingar, baked potato and unsweetened ice tea.

By 5:30 p.m., we are done eating.  I have no points left for the day.

Instead of going home a little sullen that I have nothing more to eat today, I go home, look into the mirror and admire my "youth."