"you have weak hips" (m)

Went to Merlin, the Physical Therapist today.  First appointment with him so I had to go through the humiliation of an assessment.  Felt like a pre-owned car where some schmo kicks the tires and tries to drive the price down based upon what he sees that he doesn't like.

Merlin does not smile, does not laugh.  He has a checklist to go through.  Here's how it went:

Me:  Hi.  I'm M.  Nice to meet you, Merlin.  I hope you can work your magic on me!
Merlin:  (no smile...nothing) "Please pull your pant legs up to your knees, take your shoes off and stand there."
Me: (noticing he's wrting something down): What can you tell from me just standing here?
Merlin:  "See how your toes are splayed?  You are overweight."
Me: Seriously, they pay you to do this?  You had to look at my feet to notice that?  Most people just look up.
Merlin: (no smile, nothing): "Walk to that white machine and back"
Me: What are your findings from that exercise?
Merlin: "You have weak hips."

This went on for an interminable period of time, at the end of which I got the fitness equivalent of a D grade.  I have to see him 2x per week for 6 weeks, give up my favorite activity (walking), switch to the bike and the pool (ugh...bathing suit) and lose 30 pounds.

And if I do all that?

"Surgery," he says. 

No smile, nothing.