cock-a-doodle-do (m)

Had an appointment today with Dr. McDreamy for the knees.  He wants to "cut" as he says and I do not.  I just want to walk so I can get the rest of this weight off.  Not being able to exercise is a major drawback and is impeding my progress.

Get to the appointment at 8:30 and overhear something about a "family emergency."  He's out for an indeterminate period of time.  So, instead of him, I get JR, his able-bodied PA who looks exactly like Noah Wylie from ER.  Or is it Keanu Reeves?  I can never tell them apart.

I wasn't disappointed.  The PAs, I've found, tend to spend more time with each patient and actually listen.  I told JR that I am in constant pain and want a "bridge strategy" until I lose another 30 pounds in which case I will feel like a more suitable surgical candidate.  He nodded and said "we have options."

Option 1 was another cortisone shot.  I'm on the cusp for an additional shot according to the guidelines, but he advised against that because too many cortisone shots eat away at the cartilage.  So we decided against that.

Option 2 is more physical therapy, concentrating on the patellar tendonitis.  I told him I was up for this and wanted the very best PT he knew to work "magic" on my knee.  He burst into a big smile and said, "You're in luck....the guy I have in mind for you happens to be named Merlin."  His name is Merlin.  I'm excited to meet him.  I hope he has a wand he can wave over my knees.  I hate those excercises where you have to stand on a balance beam for minutes at a time.

Option 3 is a shot of something called synvisc.  It's an all-natural substance called hyaluronic acid.  We have it in abundance when we are young and then it dissipates.  In other words, we're drying up.  I asked if it works and got the standard medical answer:  "In some cases, yes, in some...no."  Imagine a 10 billion dollar industry with a 50% probability of success.  I went into the wrong business.

I told him I'd do Options 2 and 3.  He disinfected my knee, numbed it and shot the stuff in.  While it was going in, he said the shot cost $800, but my insurance would cover most.

Wow.  $800!  What's in this stuff?  I imagined gold particles dispersing through my body.

"Rooster combs."  Rooster combs!  Those red things on the top of the rooster's head.  In my knee.

Maybe I'll set the alarm for 5:45 a.m. and wake up the whole house tomorrow.