what lies beneath (m)

Harrison needs a black belt for his nice suit.  I look around for the Coach belt with the silver buckle, but it is in NY with Sam.  I ask my husband who, like me, has been smaller in size.  Does T have any belts that might fit Harrison that would work with the suit?

T scrounges around in his closet and comes up with a thin black leather belt with a silver buckle.  The silver buckle, he says, has his intitials on it and was a gift when he served as an usher in a friend's wedding.   It's sterling silver, from Tiffany's.  T tries the belt on and it's not even close to fitting him.  "Jeez," he says.  Nothing more.  Not "I have to lose weight," not "I can't believe I gained this much weight."  No...those are things women say.  I'm surprised he didn't accuse the leather of shrinking.

I get the silver polish and look at the buckle.  It's so tarnished, you can't even read the initials.  I start with the easy thing...the leather... and polish that with a special cleaner.  Back to the silver polish.  I apply it, wait and rub.  Several more times.  The rag is filthy.  I get a new one and keep going.

The layers of tarnish surprise me.  How could this much tarnish build up?  How long did it take for the belt to get like this?  Will it ever come clean?

I keep going.  Thirty minutes later, the buckle is gleaming.  I don't pay attention to the initials.  I put the stuff away, wash my hands and put my glasses on to admire the results.  I look at the buckle and get goosebumps.

These are not my husband's initials.  They are his father's.  I remember now cleaning out my father-in-law's closet after he died.  My husband took the belt for sentimental reasons.

I had three thoughts about what I found.

My first thought was to tell  Harrison.  He would wear his grandfather's belt proudly.  My father-in-law was a gentle man and a person of high integrity.   I remember clearly how Harrison would hold the cup of water to his grandfather's lips as he lay dying of cancer.  Harrison loved him.

My second thought was to tell my husband about the discovery.  That would explain why the belt didn't fit.  My father-in-law was a small man, very trim.  I decided to wait on this one.  Let T think he needs to lose a few pounds. 

My third thought was of me.  Like the tarnish, my excess weight has built up over time and it will take a lot of hard work to get it off.  Once it does come off, the results, I'm hoping,  will be "sterling".