what size t-shirt do you wear? (m)

I don't like attending weddings.  I cringe when I get an invitation to one.  My idea of a good wedding is a quick ceremony followed immediately after by a 3-hour reception with a good band.  Check the box and go home.

Lately, we've been invited to weddings where there is a protracted delay between the ceremony and the reception.  This makes me crazy.  Am I supposed to hang out in my dress all afternoon? 

My cousin is getting married next weekend.  I absolutely love her.  She is in her late 40's and this is her first marriage.  Definitely cause to celebrate.  The problem is.....this is a Destination Wedding.  It's being held in a quaint inn somewhere in Maine.  The family is taking over the entire inn.  The ceremony is at noon, followed by a formal luncheon.  Then, there is the party at night.  Six hours after the ceremony.

The inn is just a one-hour drive from my house.  We were invited to stay from Thursday through Sunday  It's like the old-fashioned Italian weddings where the little village stops dead in its tracks for the better part of a week.  I just can't do that.

My cousin and her parents, four siblings and their children/grandchildren are extremely close.  They do everything together, including vacations.  Each summer, they rent a house somewhere (Cape Cod, North Carolina, etc) large enough to accommodate all 25 of them.  They take a family photo each year dressed alike (khaki pants and white t-shirts).  They celebrate every event together and get t-shirts for the occasion.  When cousin "L" turned 40 years old, they went to Disneyworld together.  One day, they paraded into the lobby en masse sporting t-shirts which said: "I'm here for 'L's' 40th Birthday!".  Can you imagine seeing 24 t-shirts in a row like that?  Then comes my cousin L, wearing the 25th shirt which said: "I'm L!"

This morning, I was catching up with my emails.  One was from the cousins.  I almost died when I read blah, blah, blah and "what size t-shirt do you wear?"  Apparently, they want everyone to wear the same thing to the party on Saturday evening.  I'm assuming it's not something flattering like a black v-neck that covers my ass.  If it were, I might do it.  I've learned long ago how to dress strategically for my size.  V necks elongate the body line; everyone knows black is slimming; the right length can hide certain body flaws.  I rely on my knowledge of the art of camoflage to minimize the gap between me and The Thin World.  A t-shirt with a round neck in a pastel color would blow my cover.  I felt a pit in my stomach when I read that email.

Weight Watchers will tell you to anticipate all possible outcomes and plan for contingencies.  There is nothing in their manual that can help me with this.  Clearly, Weight Watchers has never met my family.