finally fifty! (m)

Got up, looked in the mirror.  Face looked thinner than I've seen it in years.  I had forgotten that my face shape is oval versus round.  I remember her, I said to myself as I looked at my reflection.

Went to Weight Watchers.  Today is not my day to weigh in, but I didn't want to wait until Friday since I was away last week.

Get there and it's a totally different crowd...even the people behind the counter are new to me.  Where's Elaine?  This could be my milestone weigh-in and my buddy Elaine is not here!

Step on the scale and the woman--we'll call Sue (real name)--looks at all the cross-outs in my book and has the most puzzled expression on her face as in "what the hell is this?"  I explain to her that we don't show me the weight, just the change.  "Oh," she says, slowly.  I'm not convinced she understands.

She looks up and says "you've lost weight."  Yes, yes, I say, but did I break fifty pounds?

She looks down for a long time.  Clearly, math was not her major.  "Yes," she says, unceremoniously.  I lost 1.8 pounds last week.  I'm down a total of 50.8 pounds.

I stared at her.  My big moment.  No Elaine...no fanfare.  Well, do I get a charm for my necklace? I asked like a second-grader.

"Oh, yes, of course," says Sue.  She looks for a few minutes and can't find the bag of charms.  Where did they get this chick?  She's so off the ball.  I look around...the line is getting longer.  Hey, people, I'm not leaving until I get my tacky jewelry, I want to say.  Even if I have to rip it off someone else's neck.

The class leader comes over and finds the bag and pulls out a copper thing.  Looks like one of those pennies you put in those machines at amusement parks.  Ew.  Just then something catches my eye...gold.  What's that? I say.  "Oh, that's for when you lose 100 pounds," Sue says.

Now I'm dreaming of gold.