for this I shaved my legs? (m)

Finally, the day has arrived for me to see the rock star orthopedic surgeon.  I booked the appointment quite a while ago.  Meanwhile, his Physician's Assistant, J, administers cortisone and drains some sinovial fluid (6cc, I will weigh in at WW immediately thereafter to capitalize on the reduced fluid in my body).

The appointment is for 2 p.m.  I look at my schedule for the balance of the afternoon....pick up H from school at 3:20 and then meet with a bank President at 4 p.m to discuss a possible loan for a business venture. Tight, but doable, especially since this pre-op appointment is supposed to last just 15 minutes.

For good measure, I get to the surgeon's office at 1:40 p.m.  If my friends (and family) could see me now, I think to myself.  I'm actually early for something!  "Is he running on time, I ask?"  The receptionist has a permanent pained look on her face.  "Yes, somewhat," she says.  I so want to point out the contradiction in what she said, but I let it go.

At 2:15, I get called into the examination room.  "Have a seat, please," they say.  And then they close the door. There is nothing to look at in the room.  I sit there and take out my Blackberry.  My oldest brother is undergoing a procedure at Mass. General Hospital.  I am nervous, but optimistic for him.  His daughter, S, keeps me informed with periodic updates.  That helps pass the time.  One of my favorite skating mothers calls to ask if her daughter should go into pairs (versus singles).  "Try it," I say.  That chews up another 10 minutes. I rearrange my sweater and admire my weight loss.  I am all dressed up in my black Eileen Fisher cashmere sweater, white silk shell, black slenderizing pants, pearls and make-up.  I look good.  The best part is that I took a bath, shaved my legs, put body oil on my legs so they would be soft (and shiny!).  I have on my Italian perfume from Capri (Jackie Kennedy wore the same brand but I had it before I knew she did).  I even changed the polish on my toe nails which was a Herculean feat given I couldn't bend my knees that well.

Where the hell is this guy?

I look at my watch.  2:55 p.m.  I will never make it to H's school in time for pick up.  Now I have to swing into Plan B and locate Mama G...the skating mother who is at the rink for what seems like 24/7.  She agrees to pick him up.  Great.  Note to self: buy Mama G a bottle of red wine.

Where the hell is this guy?

My cell phone rings.  Some nut job from my old office.  "Call you back," I say.  Look at my watch again: 3:15.  Now I'm going to be late for my 4 p.m. meeting at the bank.

Who the hell does this guy think he is?

Open the door and walk down the hall.  "I don't mean to be pushy, truly I don't, but I just want to make sure Dr. B knows I'm in Exam Room 3," I say with an unconvincing smile.  The Great Pained One rolls her eyes and says, "he knows."  I so want to say, "then why the f... isn't he here?" but I gave up swearing for Lent so I do not.

Go back into Exam Room 3...feels like a prison cell by this time.  My cell phone goes off....a text.  My brother Phil's family wants to know what's going on with our brother J.  I text back but don't have my reading glasses on and am all thumbs today.  I hate texting, I decide.  I look at the cell phone clock: 3:25 p.m.

Is this guy ever going to show?

Just then, the door bursts open and in walks Dr. McDreamy.  Impossibly tall, tanned, handsome and charismatic.  "So....I am going to cut you!," he says.  Big smile on his face.  Gucci loafers.  Nice pants, nice shirt.

I find myself SMILING back at him!  I want to slap myself silly for doing it, but there I am, grinning like The Chesire Cat.

I explain that while the appointment was made for my left knee, my right knee now hurts.

I get up on the exam table, Dr. B manipulates my knee, I wince and yelp a bit and he tells me to sit up.

"You know, you are carrying some extra weight," he says. "You might want to think about taking some off."  Really!  What a f.......   novel  idea!" I want to say.

And just like that, my crush is over.

So, here I am....back at square one...getting an MRI for the other knee.

The worst part is that I get to do this all over again next week.

Next time, I don't think I'll bother shaving my legs!